Ah-MAZING People!

There are certain people in the world who lift up your spirits simply by being in their presence...  Hopefully, you know the type of people I’m talking about.  They are, simply put, Ah-MAZING!!!

Ah-MAZING because... their natural energy and positive outlook on life is contagious.  ...their innate warmth radiates from them.  ...they can be serious when needed, but are most often relaxed, happy and laid back.  ...they are genuine, thoughtful and kind in a way that is, unfortunately, rare nowadays.  ...they challenge you to be the best version of yourself.  ...they naturally seek out the good in any situation.  You find yourself naturally gravitating to them when you’re lucky enough to be in their presence because you truly feel metaphorically lighter. 

While you’re with an Ah-MAZING person, you find that you are naturally filled with the same positive energy and warmth.  You laugh more, smile more and stress less.  You are at ease and taking the time to actually enjoy the moments.

If you are an Ah-MAZING person, your ah-mazingness shines through even more when you’re with other ah-mazing people.  You bring it out in one another and gravitate to each other to recharge your batteries, so-to-speak.  It can be so amazing and rejuvenating, that people who are not naturally ah-mazing feel overwhelmed from the positive energy. (Sounds like a whole lotta their problem if you ask me! ;) )

Sadly, there are a lot of people who are... negative, consistently down-trodden, unwaveringly cynical and, frankly, WHINERS.  They always have something to complain about.  Their default mode is “what’s wrong with this situation”.  They will jump at an opportunity to bitch about something, but find it uncomfortable and unnatural to shower someone with genuine, positive praise.  These significantly-less-than-amazing spirits drag you down.  You feel depleted, stressed and snippy, in addition to being physically and emotionally exhausted from being in their presence.  These people take away from you and your greatness.  These are the people that read this post and think “Wow!  Really Jen?!  Can this be cheesier?!”.  And to that I say: “NEXT!”... you can forward this to someone else who will roll their eyes with you because they are probably with you on that negative rung of the ladder.  Leave me out of it.

Wouldn’t it be great if... everyone was an Ah-MAZING individual?

As with everything, you have a choice... you can be selective of who you choose to spend your time with.  You can choose to only be with other ah-mazing spirits and therefore only continuously grow as an ah-mazing spirit, or you can continue to exhaust yourself in the presence of those other people.  What do you choose??

I choose Ah-MAZING!!!  I am blessed to have many of these people in my life!!  And I continue to encounter more and more of them in the incredible TLG community!  (Perhaps there’s a reason we’re all part of the TLG network?? ;) ) 

I always find myself feeling rejuvenated and on a natural high after spending time with my ah-mazing people.  In turn, I do not enjoy feeling depleted, stressed or emotionally exhausted as I do when I’m with those other people.  So let it be known, if you pull people down, only see the negative in life, constantly whine about anything and everything, don’t expect to spend too much time with me!  I am truly a much happier person without that influence!

BE Ah-MAZING!!!  Thank your Ah-MAZING People for brightening up the world – your world! 

I’ve learned a hard lesson the hard way a few times.  That lesson is that you don’t have as much time as you think you do with the ah-mazing people in your life.  I’m sure you’ve heard it before, and you’ll likely hear it again, but that’s because there’s heart-wrenching truth behind it.  Take advantage of the time you DO have and tell your ah-mazing people that they are your ah-mazing people!!  This blog was my way of doing that – today.  I’ll find a new way tomorrow I’m sure...

You know I consider you one of My Ah-MAZING people if I’ve given you clues like this:

I’ve told you at some point that you are one of my favorite people in the world

I randomly seek you out to share funny moments

I text you to say I wish I was with you instead of the Negative Nelly I’m in the presence of at that moment

I’ve sent you emails or cards about something personal we’ve discussed or shared

Or, most obviously, I’ve told you (probably repeatedly) that you’re amazing!!

Regardless of which clue applies, to all of you, thanks for being you!!  I value every moment we get to spend together and always look forward to the next time!

Life is a Series of Jedi Mind Tricks...

Life is a series of Jedi Mind Tricks...  you have COMPLETE control over who you are, what you do, where life takes you and the quality of your life.  Sure, things happen along the way that divert your course, but it’s true what they say: life is 10% what happens to you and 90% how you react to it.  Your ability (or inability) to perform the Jedi Mind Trick on yourself either makes or breaks your happiness and satisfaction in life.

HOW TO USE THE JEDI MIND TRICK: Ready for this extremely profound thought?! Think positive!!  Instead of trying to persuade others with the Jedi Mind Trick, use it to persuade yourself!  Believe it or not, YOU are the only person who has complete and utter control over who you are and how happy you are.

Ga’head, roll your eyes if you will, but unless you’ve genuinely tried it, you can’t say that it doesn’t work.  Keep in mind, I’m a NYer.  Cynicism and negativity (aka “realistic views”) were my natural born tendencies.  I understand how after-school-special it sounds to actually be giving the advice “think good thoughts and good things will happen”.  That’s not the message; plenty of things have happened in my life that negate the wistfulness of “good things happen to good people”.  The message is to truly look for the good in every situation and adjust your attitude and response to it. 

Your ability to think positively will greatly improve YOUR emotional health, alleviate your stress and make even the toughest of life’s situations at least a little bit easier to handle.

LIVING AS A JEDI: The very second the little voice in your head starts whining, stop it!  Literally over power the thought by saying (in your head or out loud – up to you how crazy you’d like to appear in the moment ;) ), “The world isn’t imploding around me!”.  Take a deep breath and a step back from the situation and genuinely decide what the worst possible outcome is of the situation.  Then find the solution that allows you to truly think “YES, I can handle this and it will be okay”.  I promise you, your decision of how to handle a situation is not going to make the sky come crashing down on you!!  The worst thing that can happen is that you decide you also don’t like the new outcome of how you chose to handle it... then ya know what you do?  Find a new solution and try again!  Don’t let it take over you or your life.  Remember, at the end of the day you are the only person who can make yourself feel or think anything.  Remind yourself over and over that you are not going to let this person or this situation take away from you.

I’m sure some of you are thinking, “No, there are things that happen that I can’t handle” or “I can’t help how I feel when something happens to me”.  If you’re still thinking that then you’re right, you can’t handle it.  However, allow this thought to penetrate your brain and truly consider it: continuing to think like that IS what is preventing you from being able to handle it.

REALITY OF JEDI LIVING: Don’t expect to see an immediate impact of your “yes thinking”.  Trying to change your thinking isn’t going to happen overnight and you’re not going to feel the impact it has on you after an hour of trying to power through a challenging situation.  Give yourself the opportunity to see what it can do for you though.  Keep trying it over and over and OVER again!  Every time you stop trying and you let the negative thoughts take over in a situation you are letting the situation win.  Focusing on living like a Jedi will help YOU be the winner...

Besides, people enjoy being in the company of winners but nobody likes a whiner!! ;)

The "Tend or Befriend" Phenomenon

The gap between Mars and Venus expands... Biologically speaking, men and women deal with stress in very different ways. Maybe that's not shocking to you, but there's new research to support it. Women tend to override the well-known "Fight or Flight" stress response with a new theory called "Tend or Befriend". (The linked article has more information on the theory, research and researchers)

Think about it in every day terms...

MEN, when you're stressed out and done with the arguing portion of the event, you isolate yourselves. That may be by sitting in front of the tv or heading to a local bar and sitting solo. Rarely do you see a stressed out woman anchoring a bar stool after an argument...

WOMEN, when we get stressed, we either clean and organize the house or call a friend to talk about it or to distract us. The research shows that estrogen increases the hormone Oxytocin. (That's the hormone that calms you and eases stress.) Makes sense that we seek out other estrogen-dominant individuals to get a grip on life again, huh?

I find this new research so intriguing because it has so many implications and applications if you're willing to open your eyes and accept the reality of more gender-based differences.

For starters, it affirms every instinct I've ever had about how vital my female friendships are to my life!! Thinking back on every challenging, sad or frustrating event in my life, I have pushed through and come out on top because of the amazing women I've been privileged to have in my life... Those women include my mother, grandmother, aunt and the various friends I've made along the way. On the other hand, the things in my life I've had the most difficulty overcoming were those when one of those important women were taken away or in some way or other the cause of my stress. Friends, as if you don't know already (even if solely based on my "friend" tattoo), you play an integral role in my sanity!! ...and you're fun as hell!! ;) I don't know what I'd do without my FABULOUS girls!! <3 (You know who you are!)

This research also helps me to realize that it's okay when the men in my life need to get away for a little while when they're stressed. It's okay when they don't want to talk about it. We deal with things differently and as long as we communicate enough to know each ohter's boundaries and triggers we'll keep getting along just fine!

Tend or Befriend... Who knew?! ;)

"Adults" You Say?

Here's how life goes... You make choices. Based on those choices, things happen. When things happen you either A: like the result or B: don't like the result. Now comes the, evidently, tricky part... You either get to deal with the unwanted consequence or b, you do something to change it. Interestingly enough, secret option c of "bitching about it ad nauseum"  is NOT an option.  A little preliminary whining while you're (efficiently) deciding what to do, sure. That's what friends do, right? Listen to you talk through life's issues and help you make a decision. That's the key tho - making a decision. Refusing to suck it up, accept responsiblity and do something about it, not okay. Capisce? (That's "capeesh" for my non-Italian friends.) ;)

I find that children can understand and abide by this concept, yet I unfortunately know many full grown "adults" who don't.

Ironically, those "adults" have the choice to laugh at this post, deny its validity and continue to behave that way. Then I, in turn, will make the choice to stop having extensive conversations with you. I can think of many fun and productive things I can do with my time than listen to an adult martyr continuously victimize themselves and suck the life out of my day.

So I repeat, deal with your circumstances in a positive, productive manner or take action to change it. I am not the only person who would benefit from this change... You will too. Try it out.