Back in the day...

...when I was young, I'm not a kid anymore, but some days I sit and wish I was a kid again... (Throwback jam by Ahmad - anyone?!)

Don't worry; I'm not trying to say 29 is old - I'm saying 29 is NOT 23 and there is a HUGE difference in those 6 short years!

At 23... You're an "adult"; you are done with Undergrad, probably working full-time, living on your own (depending on what part of the country you live in and/or your need for independence), and you've learned to truly appreciate the finer aspect of *finally* being over 21! In other words, you think you know it all, you can still party like a rockstar until well after sunrise and somehow still function at work all day without anyone being the wiser. After all, you have a college-kid's enthusiasm for alcohol but are making more money than you ever have before... Besides "you'll sleep when you're dead"! It is one of the most fun, carefree times of your life!!

At 29... You look back at 23 and just laugh. What WERE you thinking?! How did you ever survive?? ...and, more importantly, what happened that you suddenly need 8 hours of sleep again and start hoping to hear last call so you can go home and take those damn shoes off?! God knows you'll never walk barefoot back to Penn ever again!!

You still ...LOVE a fun girls night with an awesome DJ and a dance floor; ...laugh and roll your eyes at every drunk skeeze ball that tries to dance all up on one of you (sometimes the b!tch comes out when they're over the top); ...go crazy when the DJ mixes in 112, old school Mariah or Madonna... And you smile and enjoy EVERY second of it!!!

Until... The new 23 year olds you're surrounded by are suddenly passed buzzed and into full on D-RUNK! That's when you start to remember the less than finer moments of nights like that. The need to be lifted on to a speaker and join the "hoe train" is about 6 years past desirable. In fact, you freeze on the dance floor and watch the obliterated "adult" and just hope that she demonstrates at least a fraction more of self-respect in daytime hours... And that at least one of her friends is keeping an eye on her - and the scivatz who has also frozen to watch, but for very different reasons.

So you close your tab... And will actually remember doing so the next day.

The strange part is... Yes, there's a part of you that misses the carefree debauchery of your early 20s. But more so, you're relieved to be past those years and truly an adult. My 23 year old self would have laughed in my face if she knew I'd be saying this in just 6 short years! Actually, my friends still make a face when they see I've switched over to water or when I turn down the "opportunity" to rally at an after-hours party.

Don't get me wrong... Hanging out with my girls when there's good music, space to dance and good drinks in hand will ALWAYS be a favorite thing of mine. I will continue to have nights where I am absolutely NOT the driver and where I'll be up until sunrise. The difference is, I've finally learned how to have fun in other ways and I don't make plans to be 23 every weekend, for three-nights in a row. Like I've been saying...

There is clearly no need to be almost 30 and in a club that allows kids under 25 to enter!

Life is NOT a Fairy Tale!

Let me just put this out there... life is not a fairy tale.  No, this isn’t an angry single girl post; this is more of a “when life hands you lemons” (made lemonade – with vodka!) post.  You’re shocked I’m sure; I’ve clearly been on “STOP WHINING! JUST HAVE FUN!” rants in my recent posts!

That being said, this post requires an additional preface... (yes, you may call me “Betty Backstory” in this moment!)  When I first started this Blog it was under a pen name.  I did that because I figured eventually I’d get the urge to post about sensitive moments in my life that I have always kept very private.  I can’t decide if I’ve done that because I was protecting myself from potential judgment by others, or if it was to protect my loved ones who will unavoidably be called out.  Either way, I’m over it and ready to continue with my “STOP WHINING! JUST HAVE FUN!” rants by shedding a little light onto why I’m so passionate about it...

NEWS FLASH! The world isn’t imploding around you!  It seems that so many people get stuck in the roundabout of daily life and stress themselves out over little dramatic episodes.  I can’t stand seeing Facebook posts by people who are clearly breathing fire and pissed off at the world because they are stuck in traffic, someone was rude to them or they have to work long hours.  Seriously people, in 50 years, I assure you, each of those events will have ZERO bearing on your life!  Why do you waste your energy flipping out over things you truly have no control over and that truly have no impact on you in the long run?!  It exhausts me just thinking about it...  face facts folks:

Life is not a Fairy Tale!  There are things that happen, however, that can have a significant impact on you in the long run...

Things like:

Your parents being Heroin addicts (in addition to your father’s alcoholism),

Learning about “The Big C” at age 5,

Your parents divorcing when you’re 3,

Spending your childhood going to NA meetings with your mom and little brother (but don’t worry – you’d still go to Saturday night Mass with your Grandfather to balance the scales),

Visiting your father “away at college” in true, cryptic Italian terms (prison for those of you who are scratching your heads),

Having all out wars with your mother’s live-in, alcoholic boyfriend all through your teen years,

Your father suddenly passing away when you were 16,

Watching your seemingly healthy grandma go from diagnosis to funeral in 7 weeks and helping tend to her in the interim,

Regulating your mother’s psychological health from 3,000 miles away...

Seeing things that are burned into your brain, hearing things a child should never hear and becoming an adult in the house at 4 years old. 

Life is not a fairy tale.

But life goes on... You take all of your experiences and you carve your path in life based on them.  You can either learn from the mistakes of others and be the best person you can be despite the hand you were dealt, or you can succumb to the weakness of those around you and follow a similar path.  You have the choice to look for pity from those around you for “what happened to you”, or to use it as fuel to prove to the world that YOU are a strong person who makes their own decisions.

Once something BIG happens in your life, it’s easy to look at something small like a flight delay and brush it off.  You’ve experienced true heart break.  You’ve experienced true trauma.  You know what it’s like to be sent to hell and back.  You can pull on those experiences enough to realize that the little annoyances in life aren’t worth your effort.  You need to conserve that effort for when it’s necessary and when life truly throws you a curve ball.  If you’re one of the fortunate few who haven’t had major hurdles in life, take it from me, you’ll want your energy for those times and you’ll have wished you didn’t expend it on the idiot taking 30 minutes at the ATM.

If you’re lucky... you have people in your life who you’re able to lean on when the proverbial $h!t hits the fan.  They are the people who support you, motivate you and act as a distraction from the insanity.  They play an integral role in helping you chose the path of strength, determination and success.  They aren’t the only key to the equation though... it starts with YOU!  I am lucky.  I have many of these people in my life and I always have. 

Despite the admission above, my mother is one of them – a huge one of them!  She has always been my greatest cheerleader.  (Yes, I clearly felt the need to defend her and clarify her inner greatness despite her past lapse in strength.)

Scary realization!  Most often in the past when I have the intense drive to express my gratitude to my important people, it’s my intuition telling me something is on the horizon.  Like my Ah-MAZING Grandma (“Mom Peggy” who now lives in my heart), I’ve always had a “sense” about things... that’s another story for another day.

The moral of this story is, as this post’s title implies, LIFE IS NOT A FAIRY TALE!  Don’t expect it to be.  You can, however, make your own Fairy Tale and have your own happy existence by letting the little things go... remind yourself that the daily little annoyances are not equivalent to the world collapsing around you.  And if one day the world does collapse around you, find your way out – you can, I promise!

PS: Please note that this post is not an invitation for a series of “Poor Jen” comments/emails.  I’ll never forget where I came from, nor have I ever wished for different circumstances.  Every single experience in my life, for better or worse, has made me who I am, brought me to where I am and will send me where I am going.  I’m not sorry they happened; I don’t need you to be either.  I can definitely appreciate any shock you may be experiencing right now if you're learning this for the first time though... ;)

PS to my PS... in re-reading this I realized I could've implied that I'm not open to any comments/responses to this.  That's not what I meant to imply... I simply meant please refrain from responses with an underlying tone of pity.  It is what it is, ya know? :)

Ah-MAZING People!

There are certain people in the world who lift up your spirits simply by being in their presence...  Hopefully, you know the type of people I’m talking about.  They are, simply put, Ah-MAZING!!!

Ah-MAZING because... their natural energy and positive outlook on life is contagious.  ...their innate warmth radiates from them.  ...they can be serious when needed, but are most often relaxed, happy and laid back.  ...they are genuine, thoughtful and kind in a way that is, unfortunately, rare nowadays.  ...they challenge you to be the best version of yourself.  ...they naturally seek out the good in any situation.  You find yourself naturally gravitating to them when you’re lucky enough to be in their presence because you truly feel metaphorically lighter. 

While you’re with an Ah-MAZING person, you find that you are naturally filled with the same positive energy and warmth.  You laugh more, smile more and stress less.  You are at ease and taking the time to actually enjoy the moments.

If you are an Ah-MAZING person, your ah-mazingness shines through even more when you’re with other ah-mazing people.  You bring it out in one another and gravitate to each other to recharge your batteries, so-to-speak.  It can be so amazing and rejuvenating, that people who are not naturally ah-mazing feel overwhelmed from the positive energy. (Sounds like a whole lotta their problem if you ask me! ;) )

Sadly, there are a lot of people who are... negative, consistently down-trodden, unwaveringly cynical and, frankly, WHINERS.  They always have something to complain about.  Their default mode is “what’s wrong with this situation”.  They will jump at an opportunity to bitch about something, but find it uncomfortable and unnatural to shower someone with genuine, positive praise.  These significantly-less-than-amazing spirits drag you down.  You feel depleted, stressed and snippy, in addition to being physically and emotionally exhausted from being in their presence.  These people take away from you and your greatness.  These are the people that read this post and think “Wow!  Really Jen?!  Can this be cheesier?!”.  And to that I say: “NEXT!”... you can forward this to someone else who will roll their eyes with you because they are probably with you on that negative rung of the ladder.  Leave me out of it.

Wouldn’t it be great if... everyone was an Ah-MAZING individual?

As with everything, you have a choice... you can be selective of who you choose to spend your time with.  You can choose to only be with other ah-mazing spirits and therefore only continuously grow as an ah-mazing spirit, or you can continue to exhaust yourself in the presence of those other people.  What do you choose??

I choose Ah-MAZING!!!  I am blessed to have many of these people in my life!!  And I continue to encounter more and more of them in the incredible TLG community!  (Perhaps there’s a reason we’re all part of the TLG network?? ;) ) 

I always find myself feeling rejuvenated and on a natural high after spending time with my ah-mazing people.  In turn, I do not enjoy feeling depleted, stressed or emotionally exhausted as I do when I’m with those other people.  So let it be known, if you pull people down, only see the negative in life, constantly whine about anything and everything, don’t expect to spend too much time with me!  I am truly a much happier person without that influence!

BE Ah-MAZING!!!  Thank your Ah-MAZING People for brightening up the world – your world! 

I’ve learned a hard lesson the hard way a few times.  That lesson is that you don’t have as much time as you think you do with the ah-mazing people in your life.  I’m sure you’ve heard it before, and you’ll likely hear it again, but that’s because there’s heart-wrenching truth behind it.  Take advantage of the time you DO have and tell your ah-mazing people that they are your ah-mazing people!!  This blog was my way of doing that – today.  I’ll find a new way tomorrow I’m sure...

You know I consider you one of My Ah-MAZING people if I’ve given you clues like this:

I’ve told you at some point that you are one of my favorite people in the world

I randomly seek you out to share funny moments

I text you to say I wish I was with you instead of the Negative Nelly I’m in the presence of at that moment

I’ve sent you emails or cards about something personal we’ve discussed or shared

Or, most obviously, I’ve told you (probably repeatedly) that you’re amazing!!

Regardless of which clue applies, to all of you, thanks for being you!!  I value every moment we get to spend together and always look forward to the next time!

Life is a Series of Jedi Mind Tricks...

Life is a series of Jedi Mind Tricks...  you have COMPLETE control over who you are, what you do, where life takes you and the quality of your life.  Sure, things happen along the way that divert your course, but it’s true what they say: life is 10% what happens to you and 90% how you react to it.  Your ability (or inability) to perform the Jedi Mind Trick on yourself either makes or breaks your happiness and satisfaction in life.

HOW TO USE THE JEDI MIND TRICK: Ready for this extremely profound thought?! Think positive!!  Instead of trying to persuade others with the Jedi Mind Trick, use it to persuade yourself!  Believe it or not, YOU are the only person who has complete and utter control over who you are and how happy you are.

Ga’head, roll your eyes if you will, but unless you’ve genuinely tried it, you can’t say that it doesn’t work.  Keep in mind, I’m a NYer.  Cynicism and negativity (aka “realistic views”) were my natural born tendencies.  I understand how after-school-special it sounds to actually be giving the advice “think good thoughts and good things will happen”.  That’s not the message; plenty of things have happened in my life that negate the wistfulness of “good things happen to good people”.  The message is to truly look for the good in every situation and adjust your attitude and response to it. 

Your ability to think positively will greatly improve YOUR emotional health, alleviate your stress and make even the toughest of life’s situations at least a little bit easier to handle.

LIVING AS A JEDI: The very second the little voice in your head starts whining, stop it!  Literally over power the thought by saying (in your head or out loud – up to you how crazy you’d like to appear in the moment ;) ), “The world isn’t imploding around me!”.  Take a deep breath and a step back from the situation and genuinely decide what the worst possible outcome is of the situation.  Then find the solution that allows you to truly think “YES, I can handle this and it will be okay”.  I promise you, your decision of how to handle a situation is not going to make the sky come crashing down on you!!  The worst thing that can happen is that you decide you also don’t like the new outcome of how you chose to handle it... then ya know what you do?  Find a new solution and try again!  Don’t let it take over you or your life.  Remember, at the end of the day you are the only person who can make yourself feel or think anything.  Remind yourself over and over that you are not going to let this person or this situation take away from you.

I’m sure some of you are thinking, “No, there are things that happen that I can’t handle” or “I can’t help how I feel when something happens to me”.  If you’re still thinking that then you’re right, you can’t handle it.  However, allow this thought to penetrate your brain and truly consider it: continuing to think like that IS what is preventing you from being able to handle it.

REALITY OF JEDI LIVING: Don’t expect to see an immediate impact of your “yes thinking”.  Trying to change your thinking isn’t going to happen overnight and you’re not going to feel the impact it has on you after an hour of trying to power through a challenging situation.  Give yourself the opportunity to see what it can do for you though.  Keep trying it over and over and OVER again!  Every time you stop trying and you let the negative thoughts take over in a situation you are letting the situation win.  Focusing on living like a Jedi will help YOU be the winner...

Besides, people enjoy being in the company of winners but nobody likes a whiner!! ;)

"Adults" You Say?

Here's how life goes... You make choices. Based on those choices, things happen. When things happen you either A: like the result or B: don't like the result. Now comes the, evidently, tricky part... You either get to deal with the unwanted consequence or b, you do something to change it. Interestingly enough, secret option c of "bitching about it ad nauseum"  is NOT an option.  A little preliminary whining while you're (efficiently) deciding what to do, sure. That's what friends do, right? Listen to you talk through life's issues and help you make a decision. That's the key tho - making a decision. Refusing to suck it up, accept responsiblity and do something about it, not okay. Capisce? (That's "capeesh" for my non-Italian friends.) ;)

I find that children can understand and abide by this concept, yet I unfortunately know many full grown "adults" who don't.

Ironically, those "adults" have the choice to laugh at this post, deny its validity and continue to behave that way. Then I, in turn, will make the choice to stop having extensive conversations with you. I can think of many fun and productive things I can do with my time than listen to an adult martyr continuously victimize themselves and suck the life out of my day.

So I repeat, deal with your circumstances in a positive, productive manner or take action to change it. I am not the only person who would benefit from this change... You will too. Try it out.